10/13/2014

Living Free at Work + Home

It's Tuesday night.

Nine o'clock-ish to be exact.

I walk in the door, throw my keys on the table and race upstairs to kiss Olivia goodnight.

Chris was just putting her down for bed.

"Love you, baby girl," I whisper as I watch her heavy eyes close, then half open, and close again slowly.

---

We shut her bedroom door and attempt to tiptoe into the dark hallway.

Damn you, hardwood floors, for being so loud...

Like usual, Chris and I go our separate ways.

He heads back downstairs to the kitchen.

[Gotta warm up dinner...]

I grab my PJs, head to the bathroom to start scrubbing off the mounds of HD makeup that have been caked on my face for 12-hours.

---

This was our routine.

Pretty glamorous, right?

From the outside looking in, we had it all.

Minus a few struggles hellish years with infertility, a lot of people may assume we had the picture perfect life.

The TV reporter and police-officer-turned-social-worker had a beautiful family.

They had careers they loved.

Their bank accounts weren't overflowing with dollar bills, but they were financially secure, already planning for retirement [hey, we can dream, right...], and they had careers they threw themselves into...

We never saw each other.

But we had careers we found fulfilling.

---

The microwave beeped.

My leftover pizza was warm.

Bare-faced in my comfy PJs with my hair pulled back, I attempted to tiptoe down the hardwood stairs without waking Olivia.

Damn you, AGAIN, hardwood floors, for being so loud...

I considered it a small victory when I managed to get to the dining room without stubbing my toe on the toys scattered everywhere.

Chris and I sat down at the table.

"What do you want to drink?" he asked.

I looked down at my soggy piece of pizza and tears started welling up in my eyes.

"I can't keep doing this," I said, staring at my plate.

By the time I mustered out those words, I was full-out blubbering mess.

"I never thought I'd walk away from this. I love this job," I said.

How could I feel so fulfilled in my career yet feel so empty at the same time?

It was in that moment -- while staring at that nuked piece of pepperoni pizza -- I decided to leave my career.

But more than that, I decided to trust God - and I mean completely trust Him -- to show me where to go.

I trusted Him to break me free from the chains that restrained me from being the mother and wife I so desperately wanted to be...
Becoming a mom changed me.

I didn't want to be known as the "TV news gal" anymore.

Because the best, most honorable role I have in this world is "Olivia's Mom."

Are the sweatpants and mild make-up with hair all a'mess as glamorous as taking home that Emmy award from a broadcast news banquet?

Ehhh...

I guess it depends on who you ask.

For me, being a mom is what God called me to do.

And it was trusting Him that allowed me to do it freely.

This blog post is continued...

Click here to read more at Many Sparrows

My gal pal Kayla is spending the month talking about what it means for women to live freely in their hearts, at work, church and at home.

Click below to read more:

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