1/27/2015

Reminders When We Need 'Em

I am so head-over-heels in love with this girl.

I mean, look at her.

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Sometimes I catch myself just staring at her. 

Is this real? 
Do we seriously have two girls in this house?
How did this happen so fast?

But I have to be honest...

[Because that's what I am in this lil' corner of the world wide web.]

I'm still trying to land on my feet from this amazing whirlwind that changed our family so quickly.

I'm stressed.

I'm stressed with the financial decisions we're forced to make because adoption is expensive. Because childcare is expensive. Because our jobs in the nonprofit and social work sectors don't earn us six-figures. Because the adoption process is full of complexities that involve paperwork, organization and attention-to-detail -- all things we're lacking right now.

I'm exhausted.

I'm exhausted because I'm awake when it feels like the rest of the world is sleeping. Because I can't get caught up on laundry or dishes or voice mails or emails. I feel like I'm juggling so much so fast, and I'm losing sight of where I actually need to be. 

I'm sad.

I'm sad because I feel like I shouldn't feel this way. Because I so badly want to be happy without a worry in the world. I'm sad because part of me is scared when there are so many unknowns and curve balls in the adoption process. I'm sad because I know there are other moms and dads who would happily take on this exhaustion and stress in a heartbeat, and they'd balance it flawlessly.

I'm spread thin.

With balancing work, freelance gigs and trying to finish our [expired] home study while adjusting to this whole mom-of-two thing, I feel like I'm spread thin.

But you guys...

Just when I'm about ready to throw my hands up in the air, punch a pillow or sit in the fetal position and cry, I'm reminded He has this all under control.
In the past two weeks, you wouldn't believe how God has worked through so many of our friends and family members to remind us of this very sentiment.

I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it all.

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm humbled and feel completely unworthy of the kindness and generosity shared our way.

Dear friends of ours stuffed our car full of baby clothes, fuel cards and well-wishes when we hit the road to meet our daughter.

They've come to our house and made dinner, brought champagne, diapers, clothes...even washed our dishes.

A fellow momma had two cribs and changing tables that her girls had outgrown. She DONATED a set to us. For free you guys. For FREE. [And she personally delivered an emergency stash of Ruffles chips and AE French Onion dip for this exhausted momma!]

My colleagues 'rounded up diapers and wipes and clothes and blankets to welcome Kendra home.

Chris' co-workers threw a beautiful baby shower with thoughtful gifts for both Kendra and Olivia. They even included a gift card for Chris and I to go out for dinner. On a DATE! [What's that?!]

Our friends organized a meal train. Between family, neighbors and friends, we've had delicious dinners dropped off every. single. day. since we've been back. Seriously. I can't tell you how amazing it has been to not have to cook.

A newborn photographer who has a heart for adoption offered to take Kendra's photos for FREE [more on that, soon...].

Far away friends have mailed vouchers for meals out, Casey's breakfast pizza, donuts, baby gifts and gift cards for Amazon.com...

The sincere kindness shown to our family in this season is beyond words.

Thanks for being part of our village.

For reminding us that while a lot of things are out of our control, He's got this in His hands.

And suddenly I have a feeling it's all gonna be okay.

3 comments:

  1. I think that people who get pregnant - and theoretically have 9 months to "prepare" - go through the same emotions. So for someone who only had, a couple days, hours... You my dear are AMAZING. You are an inspirational mother and I applaud your honesty.

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  2. Oh wow! See what happens when I get behind on reading blogs?! Congratulations to you and yes, what a BEAUTIFUL baby girl!

    And I do understand the feelings and exhaustion. One moment at a time. It took me about seven months to feel fully recovered after this last adoption! What a blessing for you to have so many people pitch in to help in so many tangible ways!!!!

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  3. Wonderful, honest, eloquent post. If I knew where to send you a gift, I would! Take some deep breaths, hang on, and never, ever feel ashamed of your reactions. I have yet to receive the beautiful gift of motherhood, but I do not, in any way, resent or begrudge you the difficult parts. It's hard, and ok to say so.

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