Guest Post on Infertility: What Not To Say

Today's post is brought to you by a dear friend and adoptive momma-to-be.

Amy and her husband are in the process of adopting with the same adoption consultant we hired when we adopted Olivia.

We have a LOT in common -- both Iowans, have a heart for adoption and we're infertility survivors warriors.

Amy and I got to know each other at a recent Created for Care retreat in Illinois, and lemme tell ya -- this gal and me -- we have similar hearts!

Here's Amy in her own words with 5 things not to say to someone going through infertility:

1. "I bet if you just relax, it'll happen..." or, "As soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant!"

Don't say either.

2. "Have you tried...[fill in the blank with: IVF, surrogacy, tracking your body temp, ovulation kits, drugs...]?" 

Please do not try to be my doctor. My husband and I have discussed the options that are right for our family and what our doctor feels is the best approach. Please don't try to tell us how to grow our family and infer we aren't making the best choices.

3. "So, what's wrong?"

I already feel bad enough for not being able to carry a child. Please don't ask me that. I don't need you making me feel like there is 'something wrong' with me. Instead, try, 'What's the cause of your infertility?' Words matter.

4. "At least you don't have to go through pregnancy and labor!"

I would give anything to be pregnant. Sure, there are times where I'm like, 'Wow, that seems terrifying to go through labor,' but I would give anything to get the chance.

5. "Well, we had friends, and they were told they couldn't have kids, and then they did!"

Well, that's great for your friends. But you don't know if that could be something that could happen for us, so it's best to just not even share.

What about you? Anything you'd add to this list?

Special thanks to Amy for sharing her heart about infertility. If you're interested in contributing a guest post, please contact me!


  1. An idea for a blog - what should you say to infertility warriors? Most people want to be helpful but may not have the words.

  2. Hi, Linda! I am so glad you mentioned that - because, I did a post on that topic a little while ago. In fact, it's a whole post about encouraging women/families who are on the infertility battle! It tells ways to encourage and things TO say :) http://gracehopefamily.blogspot.com/2015/01/encouraging-words.html