7/22/2015

Confession: I Was Terrified For Child #2

Remember when we found out about our sweet baby Kendra back in January?
Adoption
Yeh.

Total whirlwind.

What most people don't know, though, is that long before she was born and her birth momma chose us as her family, Chris and I had conversations about pursuing adoption #2.

We were scared terrified.

We worried about affording the adoption process a second time. We wondered if a future match would fail and how we'd be able to handle that type of heartache with another child. We worried about how open a birth family would want to be with a relationship moving forward...

And truth be told, our daughter Olivia's adoption was smooth. It was quick but comfortable. Today, we have an open adoption with her birth family that's healthy and beautiful in so many ways.

We worried our next child(ren) would have harder stories--different circumstances that may be more difficult to navigate as parents.

We were so scared about adopting privately a second time around that we actually planned to completely change things up and become foster parents.

In fact, we had just received fingerprint cards in the mail to start the foster care licensing process 24-hours before we learned about Kendra.

Yep.

We were busy making plans.

All the while, God was laughing at us.

He clearly had different plans for our lil' family (surprise, surprise!)...

Plus, I'm pretty sure He likes seeing us scramble before blessing our socks off, but whatever ;)

But truthfully -- aside from the anxiety we had around a second adoption -- I wondered if my heart would be able to stretch any further...

Would I have enough room in my heart to love another child as much as I love Olivia?

She's the one who made me a mother.

She gave me a new purpose in life...

Would she feel like I loved her less because I had to share my heart with another baby?

Would I be able to share time with them equally?

Would I be spread too thin?

Would I be a good mom?

Hospital Photo
Most of those worries swirling around in my head subsided the second I laid eyes on Kendra.

And I thought my heart was literally going to explode when I watched the girls see each other for the first time.
Two Kids Under Two
Seriously.

They're the best of friends.
Adopting Two Children
And now, six months into this "Mom-of-Two" gig, I can't remember what LIFE was like without both of them in it.

I share all of this to encourage those of you on a similar journey.

It's okay to be worried about how things will work out, if you'll be good enough, or whether you can handle more than what's already on your plate.

But remember, you are doing better than you realize.

And trust me: You are enough.

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