9/16/2015

|Pregnancy| Is This Really Happening?

Pregnant After Infertility

Y'all.

It's happening.
|I'm pregnant.|
There is a sweet, precious miracle growing inside of me that has a heartbeat.

Lemme back up for a second...

For 10 days, life was kinda hazy.

I was worried.

Infertility taught me to expect obstacles when building our family, so I was very much in denial that I was actually pregnant.

And at the very least, I thought if I was there had to be something wrong with the pregnancy.

Chris and I nervously checked into the clinic on a Thursday morning.

We met our new medical staff, went over extensive medical histories, and got more information about pregnancy than I ever knew existed.

After some exams and lots of blood work, we were whisked away to the ultrasound room to date the pregnancy.

The last time I had an ultrasound was five years ago after a month of injections and a final round of insemination.

But there I was that Thursday morning.

Laying on the exam table with my shirt pulled up.

The tech rubbed gel on my belly, and told us to look at the screen in front of us.

Then I saw it.

WE saw it.

A tiny little thing whose heart was flickering at 140 beats per minute.

That's when it happened.

I started weeping. Uncontrollably. My stomach was shaking. I couldn't catch my breath.

I just cried.

I cried out of happiness. Disbelief. Unworthiness.

I cried because I felt guilty that we were somehow chosen for this path while many of our dear friends continue to trudge through the trenches of infertility.

I cried because we spent so many days, months and years begging God to allow us to experience this moment. And because we spent so many days, months and years angry at Him, our friends--sometimes the world--because we felt like we had been forgotten about.

I cried because we had let go of that dream; we had grieved the loss of having biological children, but now there was hope again.

I looked up at my husband who was holding my weak, cold hand.

His chin quivered.

"Is this real?" I asked him through my sobs and sniffles.

"Is this really happening right now?"

He handed me a Kleenex, and I saw a tear roll down his cheek.

Just when I was about to lose all control of my emotions, the tech said, "Everything looks great! Looks like baby will be here the first week in April!"

I sat up. My face was beet red with globs mascara smudged under my eyes.

I'm sure folks in the lobby wondered WHAT HAPPENED to me as I walked out to our car trying to put myself together.

All I can say is God certainly had grand plans for our family.

Years ago when we prayed to become parents, I would've never imagined the road we'd travel. But He knew every detail, detour and pit stop. He knew all along that two little girls were meant to be sisters and part of our family. And He knew this baby was meant to be part of our story, too.

Every fiber in my body is so grateful we're able to experience this -- yes, even the nausea, intense cravings for Hot Tamales and complete exhaustion are good at reminding me something amazing is happening.

Thank you for your support, encouragement and love as we prepare to welcome yet another miracle into our family in the coming weeks and months!

Related posts:
At the Doctor's Office
Our Move + Exhaustion

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